an official rant

so long story short i put up a profile on the village voice personals. it is actually really deceitful of me because i am in a relationship and i plan on deleting it before the weekend is out - basically let's call it a "research tool" and leave it at that. so here's the "rant" part.

body type.

now, i can measure my height and tell you i am 5'9" - there is nothing too subjective about this question. so why on earth do we include such a loaded (and determining question) as body type and then give such innane totally subjective answer options. on the village voice the options are: prefer not to say, average, slim/petite, athletic, ample, a little extra padding, and large - in that order. now for me i can eliminate slim/petite immediately as by pretty clear definition there is nothing petite about 5'9". as for the others - i'm at a loss. i mean statistics show that the "average" woman is about 20 pounds overweight - so is that what we're using as "average" if so, then by definition "a little extra padding" is "a little more than 20 pounds" overweight? i'm guessing when guys check this box for what they're looking for this is not their logic - but i guarantee you it is what happens in a woman's mind when she's trying to determine which stupid box to pick that will likely x her out of a million opportunities in one mouse click. so then what's bigger ample or large? ample in my mind implies a certain voluptuousness and so it sounds smaller or more prettily assembled to me than just LARGE - which sounds like you just described yourself as a an elephant or a maybe a football player. by the microsoft word dictionary Ample is "as much or as many as required, usually with some left over" - sounds like a little extra padding to me! also they list it as "large, especially in physical size (often used euphemistically)". Large is defined as "comparatively big in size or bigger in size than is usual or expected" but they also list is as "tall and well built, heavy set, broad, or overweight (i'll take tall and well built of those four options!). they also list it as "occupying a comparatively big space or bigger space than is usual or expected" which sounds exactly the same as Ample. my favorite definitions for Large are "significant. or general in scope, extent, or effect". also "generous in spirit or attitude".

so with all this research under my belt i go back to trying to pick the one that just feels right - and i got to say - none of them do. and by the by where is the "skinny" option which is a basically a nicer way of saying "crack whore" just as "ample" is a nicer way of saying "fat pig". why if you are slim/petite do you get the simple option of checking "slim/petite" and never thinking about it again and if you are anything other than that you are basically whittled down to badly defined degrees of fatness.

let's not even talk about the myspace options (slim/slender, athletic, average, some extra baggage, more to love, body builder, and no answer - at least the order makes the sizes clear - small, medium, large, extra large, extra extra large, and so fit i am actually super large). i have marked No Answer there as well - i don't feel as badly about it though because in theory this is not a personals page like the village voice is. however, the choices still blow and i don't like having to cop out and say "no answer" - it sounds like i'm afraid of it - when really i'm mostly just afraid of being poorly defined.

the irony of course is that all these words, "average, a little extra padding, more to love, ample, large, etc." are an impressive effort to more honestly include a more realistic cross section of people. but it is really just ineffective. and thus, my rant for today.